Disabled parents use different sorts of support to make it easier for them to look after their children and keep control over their family life.

These parents say how they made support work for them. 

Joanne needed more rest.

Harry’s family needed help after a car accident.

Nina’s husband had to go back to work.

Tom and Amy wanted to learn about looking after their family and running their home.

Louise manages with a new baby.

Joanne says

My two year old Laura is into everything. She loves running around in the park.
I can do everything we need at home, but MS makes me very tired.
I’ll get ill if I don’t get more rest, but that’s difficult as I’m a lone parent and there’s nobody else to help.
My doctor suggested asking for an assessment to ask if I can have support.
The social worker came and we talked about what would help me manage easier.
She arranged for Laura to go to nursery one day a week.
I get more rest and Laura plays with the other children so it’s good for both of us.
The social worker told me about Homestart who find volunteers to support families with children under five.
I contacted them and I hope they’ll be able to help me arrange more trips to the park for Laura soon.

Harry says

My son and his family came to live with me when my sight was damaged by diabetes.
Then my son died in a terrible car accident.
My grand-daughter Sophie was not hurt, but Lisa, my daughter-in-law, had a head injury.
Now, Lisa forgets to cook and look after herself and it’s difficult for her to speak.
Sophie is fourteen. We argue about her staying out late at night.
Her teacher says her school work is suffering and asked us to talk to the school’s Parent Support Advisor. 
Sophie says it’s hard to do homework with everything else at home. She doesn’t want to upset her mother by bringing her friends in.
The advisor told us Lisa can use Direct Payments to employ someone of our own choice to help.
Sophie can talk to a Young Carers worker if she’d like to.
We decided that if we all choose someone who knows our ways to come into our home, Lisa can get to know her and tell her what to do for all of us.
We phoned Social Services and a social worker will come soon to help us arrange it. 

Nina says

Having a stroke changed everything. I was in hospital for weeks and still have paralysis down one side. 
My husband Pete is a long distance lorry driver and he got time off work to look after the children who are six, twelve and thirteen.
He had to go back or loose his job so the children went to stay with his Mum.
Now I’m home, the children do the difficult stuff like changing beds and we muddle through. When Pete’s away it’s a problem to get the six year old to school and get meals for them.
Our money has dropped so much we’re worried about paying the bills, and we don’t know if I’ll get back to work or not.  
I saw a leaflet about Disability Rights Norfolk and asked them about disability benefits.
They checked through everything and helped me fill in the forms for disability living allowance and other benefits. 
They suggested asking for an assessment as a disabled parent, so that we can manage better when Pete’s away.
When the social worker came we agreed on a care plan that allows me one hour of help on the days when Pete’s working.
I use Direct Payments so we can be flexible about when the personal assistant comes. Independent Living Norfolk helped with all the employers paperwork.
We’ve arranged for a neighbour who works near the school to take the six year old, and the older children collect him in the evening. 
Now Pete will keep his job and he doesn’t have to worry so much if he’s delayed.

Tom says

When our son David was born, Amy and me lived with Amy’s mum.
She showed us how to look after David and we worked out our money all together.
Then Amy’s mum died and it's hard for us to manage.

Our baby Beth is six months old and we miss Amy’s mum helping us.
David’s teacher says the other children call him names because his clothes aren’t always clean.

Our health visitor says we need some help and she asked us to let a social worker come to see us.
Amy’s mum always said they take your children away, but the health visitor said if we get help now we can make sure that doesn’t happen.
The health visitor helped us find an advocate who has time to explain everything to us. This will help us make sure we can tell people what we want. 

The health visitor arranged for us to have an assessment.  
When the social worker came she listened to us and asked us lots of questions.
She said we can have a supporter in the morning to help us get David off to school properly. Then the supporter will show us how to look after Beth.
The supporter will help us manage the housekeeping and our money as well. She’ll be a bit like Amy’s mum.

David gets more help at school and he’s happier now. We know more people who will help us if we have a problem.

Louise says

We’ve just had our third child, a sister for Rachel who is four and Harry who is nine.
I have depression, and I’m struggling to cope with the new baby.
I was very ill after both Harry and Rachel were born.
It takes a while for me to be able to handle everything.
My partner Mick helps when he can. He’s going to drug rehab so it’s not a good time for him either.
When I was pregnant, my doctor arranged for me to have a support worker, just to help me with whatever I can’t manage for the children. 
Harry gets upset when I’m ill so my support worker helped me arrange for him to have time with other children. This gives him space to talk to the children’s playworker if he wants to.
My support worker visits me more often now.  We take Rachel to playgroup and then go shopping, so we don’t run out of food.
The support worker helps me keep going at home and so far, I’m managing better than before.

More on assessments.